搞笑英文说说心情短语
1、鸭子本来不会飞，煮熟了就会飞了。
Ducks can't fly, but they can fly hen oked.
2、自从初一那次捡起掉在地下的笔后，数学我就再也没听懂过。
Since the first ti I picked up the pen that fell to the ground, I have never understood mathematics.
3、记得小时候说得最多的一句话就是，我不跟你玩了。
I rember one of the most frequently said ords hen I as a child is that I ill not play ith you.
4、每个抖腿的人，心里都有一台缝纫机。
Everyone ho shakes his legs has a seing machine in his heart.
5、老天，你让夏天和冬天同房了吧？生出这鬼天气！
God, have you let sumr and inter sleep together? What a hell of eather!
6、愚人节表白算什么，清明节表白才是王道，因为，如果失败了，你就说鬼附身了！
April Fool's Day is nothing, Qingming Festival is the King's Way, because if you fail, you say ghosts possess you!
7、我只要你陪着我只对我笑，我只要你吻我一个，只逗我一人，我就是不放弃。
I just ant you to acpany and only laugh at . I just ant you to kiss and only tease . I ill not give up.
8、成熟的最大好处是以前得不到的，现在不想要了。
The greatest advantage of maturity is that you don't ant hat you didn't get before.
9、不管是在婚礼的喜帖上还是在葬礼的墓碑上，我希望我跟你的名字一辈子总能写在一起。
Whether it's on edding invitations or funeral tombstones, I hope I can alays rite your na together for the rest of my life.
10、原以为自己挺恶的，认识了他才知道比我还善的人几乎不存在。
I thought I as evil, but only hen I t him did I realize that there as hardly anyone ho as better than .
11、谁若对我使用美人计，我就会将计就计。
If anyone uses beauty tricks on , I ill unt them.
12、如果有一天，我无法继续呼吸，那只是说明，我的世界缺少了空气，或者，缺少了你。
If one day, I can't ntinue breathing, it just ans that my orld lacks air, or you.
13、不要说我胖，不然我会认为你在嫉妒我比你吃得好。
Don't say I'm fat, or I'll think you're jealous of better than you eat.
14、有一次蹲在地上玩东西，我男神从后面拍了我一下，然后受到惊吓放了个巨响的屁。
Once, hen I as squatting on the ground playing, my God patted from behind, and then I as frightened and let out a loud fart.
15、感谢所有陪我走到现在的人，尤其感谢打算仍然硬着头皮陪我走下去的人。
Thank all the people ho acpanied to the present day, especially those ho intend to acpany to the next step.
16、美人对眼睛来说是天堂，对腰包来说是地狱！
Beauty is heaven to the eyes and hell to the purse!
17、有钱的人怕别人知道他有钱，没钱的人怕别人知道他没钱。
Rich people are afraid that others ill kno that he has money, and those ho have no money ill be afraid that others ill kno that he has no money.
18、不要以为头上顶坨屎，自己就是金刚葫芦娃。
Don't think you're a diamond gourd ith shit on your head.
19、因为喜欢你，借着你的光，瞧见了从未预见的世界。
Because like you, through your light, see the orld never foreseen.
20、我这么穷，为什么还会发胖呢，不知道这肉咋长的，这个问题困扰了我好多年。
I'm so poor. Why do I get fat? I don't kno ho long the at is. This problem has troubled for many years.
21、时间终究要比爱强悍，忘记什么都不难。
Ti is stronger than love after all. It's easy to fet everything.
22、我好像对纸过敏，每次做作业都难受。
I seem to be allergic to paper. Every ti I do my hoork, I feel bad.
23、长成那样，就不要撒娇了吧，容易让人起妊娠反应。
If you gro up like that, don't be quettish, it's easy to cause pregnancy reaction.
24、大起大悲看清自己，大起大落看清朋友。
Great ups and dons make you see yourself clearly, and great ups and dons make you see your friends clearly.
25、没有一点点防备，也没有一丝顾虑，国庆就这样完了·
Without any precautions or orries, the National Day is over.·
26、如果你忘了苏醒，那我宁愿先闭上眼睛。
If you fet to ake up, I'd rather close my eyes first.
27、今天在街上看到一女的好美，走近一看，原来是面镜子。
Today, I sa a beautiful oman in the street. When I approached her, it turned out to be a mirror.
28、老天，你让夏天和冬天同房了吧？生出这种鬼天气！
God, have you let sumr and inter sleep together? It's such a ghostly eather!
29、我不喜欢只和一个女人上很多次床，而是喜欢和很多女人只上一次床。
I don't like to sleep ith only one oman many tis, but ith many on only once.
30、小时候吃西瓜，就吃尖尖，吃到有籽的地方就不吃了。
When I as a child, I ate aterlon sharp, but I sped eating here I had seeds.
31、下辈子我还找你，因为除了我，你是最傻的。
I ill look for you in the next life, because besides , you are the most foolish.
32、牛粪终归是牛粪，上锅蒸了也不会变成香饽饽。
Co dung is dung after all. It ill not turn into seet baboon hen stead in a pot.
33、曾经希望把所有都留给你，何曾想却把孤单留给了自己。
Once I anted to leave everything to you, but I never anted to leave my loneliness to myself.
34、按猪的审美观，我基本算得上是个帅哥。
Acrding to the taste of pigs, I am basically a handso guy.
35、我想将对你的思念，寄予散落的星辰；但愿星光照进你的窗前，伴你好眠。
I ant to place my thoughts on the scattered stars. I hope the stars ill shine through your indo and sleep ell ith you.
36、如果有钱也是一种错，我情愿一错再错。
If money is also a mistake, I ould rather make mistakes again and again.
37、上学最开心的一句话就是今天班主任不在。
One of the happiest sentences in school is that the head teacher is not here today.
38、明明可以靠脸吃饭，而我却要努力工作，这就是我和明明之间的差距。
Clearly, I can eat ith my face, but I have to ork hard. That's the difference beteen and Clearly.
39、男老板总是希望身旁有个女秘书，有事秘书干，没事干秘书。
Boys alays ant to have a female secretary beside them. He has sothing to do ith the Secretary and nothing to do ith the secretary.
40、现在的我，你爱理不理。记住了。以后的我，你高攀不起。
No I, you do not care. Keep sth. in mind. After , you can't climb high.
41、少女诚可贵，少妇价更高，若有富婆在，二者皆可抛。
Girls are precious, young on are more expensive, if there are rich on, they can be discarded.
42、同是自来水，但就是感觉厨房的比厕所的干净。
It's also tap ater, but it feels cleaner in the kitchen than in the toilet.
43、学霸晒成绩，女神晒自拍，土豪晒有钱，模特晒身材，老子放假回家晒太阳！
Xueba sun achievent, goddess sun self-portrait, Tuhao sun money, model sun figure, Laozi go ho on vacation to bask in the sunshine!
44、大叔，笑的时候记得捂嘴巴哦，小心您的假牙。
Uncle, rember to ver your mouth hen you laugh. Watch out for your dentures.
45、大街上那么多人穿的那么危险，却长得那么安全！
So many people in the street ear dangerous clothes, but gro so safe!
46、如果坦白是一种伤害，我选择谎言。如果谎言也是伤害，我选择沉默。
If nfession is a kind of injury, I choose to lie. If a lie hurts, I choose silence.
47、等你以后结婚了，结婚对象不是我，我就搬到你家隔壁住，做一个安静的老王。
When you get married later, I ill move next door to your house and be a quiet old king.
48、都说女孩子生气时把她按住强吻就行了，可是，我为什么会被她男朋友打呢。
It is said that hen a girl is angry, just hold her don and kiss her, but hy am I beaten by her boyfriend?
49、人生最幸福事，就是早上听老婆说把你爪子拿开！
The happiest thing in life is to listen to your ife in the morning and take your pas off!
50、爱情就像一部影片，影片结束时，所以人都会散去。
Love is like a film. When the film is over, people ill disperse.
51、路上捡到了一百块钱，很开心的请室友吃了全家桶，发现钱是自己掉的。
On the ay, I found a hundred yuan. I as very happy to invite my roommate to eat the hole family bucket. Finally, I found that the money as lost by myself.
52、下雨天不是在想你，是在想刚洗的衣裳什么时分干。
When it rains, it's not thinking about you. It's thinking about hen the clothes just ashed dry.
53、钱在我的手里一无是处，就像垃圾，但我却用它买到了最卑微的爱情。
Money is nothing in my hands, like garbage, but I use it to buy the most humble love.
54、世界上最痛苦的事就是，从上课憋尿憋到下课老师还拖堂。
The most painful thing in the orld is that the teacher drags the class from holding up urine in class to the end of class.